nothing to do with you

Hey friend,

So you’re going through that thing. That thing has you questioning every fiber in your being of how it could’ve turned out this way. It was unexpected, I know. It hurts, I know. You’ve become quite consumed with it all. You’ve internalized every emotion. People ask, but no matter how many times they tell you that you’re not the culprit in this case, you can’t seem to rationalize any truth around the statement.

Of course it has something to do with you. If you had just, if you had been, if you had not, if you made, if you (fill in the blank with your own personal rationalization), you could’ve avoided the entire situation and you wouldn’t be in the position you are in right now. It only makes sense if you can determine there was fault in you. Side B to this tape has you feeling the way you do because your actions, or lack thereof, are the factors that the situation hinged on, you are the one to blame for the outcome of your situation.

If you’re nodding your head and thinking, “YES SISTER!”, take a deep breath, sit down, and get ready for this new revelation:

It’s easy to make it about you. You are the one being in this world that you know you can change and fix. If you make the poor outcome of the situation about you, then you have no doubt that you can remedy the situation. You take the blame, because if it’s simply a fault within you, you. got. this. You have the perfect solution. You will ace the test of ironing everything out because YOU, you can control!

But it’s not about you. Sure, we all have our faults, but faults or perfection have nothing to do with the situation at hand. You know deep down in your heart that nothing you could’ve done would’ve made someone else do differently, choose differently, or say differently.

Its a hard pill to swallow that this time, you can’t change you and get a better result.

But I can assure you in this: YOU have growing to do in life, but you (at your core), are enough. This isn’t coming from your mom, this isn’t coming from someone who is “supposed” to tell you these things. This is coming from me. You have your faults and ways about you that won’t sit well with everyone, but the people in your life who are, what I like to call “lifers”, they know you. At the end of the day, they will choose you, they will consider you, they will love you through it all.

Don’t mistake a guest on Episode 25 of your life for a main character. You talk to the Executive Director of all life, you develop a relationship with Him, and He will let you know who exits stage left.

My biggest prayer for you: Go with grace. If you allow bitterness and anger to swell in your heart over a temporary situation, you’re not hurting anyone but yourself. I pray that you understand that all exits aren’t malicious. I pray that you broaden your scope, you see more than just your life in this situation and realize that it really and truly has nothing to do with you.

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